Most of us have now learned to live with "voice mail" as a necessary part of our daily lives. But have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following:
Thank you for calling Heaven.
~~For English, Press 1.
~~For Spanish, press 2.
~~For all other languages, press 0.Please select one of the following options:
~~Press 1 for Requests.
~~Press 2 for Thanksgiving.
~~Press 3 for Complaints.
~~Press 4 for all other inquiries.
I am sorry; all of our angels and saints are busy
helping other sinners
right now. However, your prayer is important to us,
and we will answer
it in the order it was received. Please stay on the
line.
If you would like to speak to:
~~God, press 1.
~~Jesus, press 2
~~Holy Spirit, press 3.
~~If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm
while you are
holding, press 4.
To find a loved one that has been assigned to
Heaven, press 5, then
enter his or her social security number, followed by
the "pound" sign.
(If you receive a negative response, please hang up
and try area code
666.)
For reservations for Heaven, please enter J-O-H-N,
followed by the
numbers 3-1-6.
For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs,
the age of the earth,
life on other planets, and where Noah's Ark is,
please wait until you
arrive.
Our computers show that you have already prayed
today.Please hang up and try again tomorrow.
The office is now closed for the weekend to observe
a religious holiday. Please pray again on Monday after 9:30am.
If you are calling after hours and need emergency
assistance, please contact your local pastor.